The Greatest American Hero has fallen upon hard times indeed. Twenty-some years after hanging up his ridiculous-looking superhero tights, William Katt is no more than a bad actor surrounded by even worse actors in this egregiously awful rip-off of Alien vs. Predator. AVH: Alien vs. Hunter is just a stupid, stupid movie; it only took about five minutes for me to start talking back to the screen. I don't think it's possible for anyone to maintain silence while watching this movie -- not without your brains bleeding out your ears, anyway. Such a concentrated amount of cinematic incompetence should come with a warning label.

OK, here's what we have. Two craft of some sort crash land near a remote mountain town and -- amazingly -- no one seems to notice. I guess everyone is just too busy being bored with their worthless lives -- that and the fact that there only seem to be seven or eight people living there to begin with. This place is so boring that the local sheriff all but begs local reporter Lee Cussler to tag along with him as he investigates a call about a domestic disturbance. That's when someone finally notices the huge spaceships sticking out of the ground (you apparently can't see gigantic, smoke-belching alien spacecraft if they're behind a small trailer home). Before you can say, "Well, I'll be doggoned; look at that," an alien (who reminds me of a wild onion turned upside down) pops up and layeth the smackdown on the sheriff while Cussler (Katt) runs back to the truck.

This is when things really begin to get frustrating. If aliens attack my little town, the first thing I'm doing is getting in my car and getting the hell out of Dodge. In the movie, though, no one even thinks of driving away; heck, they don't even drive to get from one location to another. Knowing full well that aliens could be anywhere outside, these knuckleheads walk everywhere they go, even as their numbers continue to dwindle. Here's the thing, though -- the story would have us believe that there is no way to get down off the mountain in a car. It's the middle of summer, so it's not like the place is snowed in for the winter season. I can only assume the government had to chopper in all of the equipment to build the decent-sized town in the first place -- and that government planes routinely airdrop supplies to the local population.

While the characters are all walking to their deaths, we get a look at two other alien creatures -- one of which is a giant CGI spider. The other one is all decked out in seemingly indestructible armor. Still, these idiot humans keep trying to shoot and even slug him. Moving along, the whole gang of survivors goes to great -- and stupid -- lengths in an attempt to escape but manage to keep getting in the way of all the aliens, blah blah blah. Throw in a stupid "twist" ending and you're done.

You can learn a lot from this movie. When attacked by aliens: throw the car keys away and just start walking all over the countryside with no escape plan whatsoever; insist that everyone stay together, then go ahead and keep splitting up anyway; if the alien attacks while you are indoors, immediately run outside and hide in plain sight of the alien; if you accidentally wander into one of the alien's spaceships and no one knows where you are, stay right there in the spaceship (since there's no chance of you possibly running into an alien in the alien's own spacecraft); and most importantly, should you actually survive the whole ordeal, immediately start joking around as if it's a normal day and the body parts of all your friends and neighbors aren't littered across the countryside.

So let's see: a stupid story with stupid characters doing stupid things, decidedly unimpressive special effects, exceedingly bad acting, excessive toboggan-wearing (it's summer, dude, take that ridiculous toboggan off already), an all but complete absence of character development and a terrible ending. Yep, that pretty much sums up AVH: Alien vs. Hunter. You would have to pay me to suffer through this B-movie bomb a second time.