The one thing I know about Ghost Attack on Sutton Street: Poltergeists & Paranormal Entities is that it isn't very effective at doing -- well, whatever it's trying to do. Actually, I know two things -- the title is too darn long. When you see a title that includes a long subtitle like this, the odds are pretty good that the film will leave you wanting in the end. The weird thing about this movie, though, is the fact that several of the crew members on this "ghost hunt," including lead investigator Lee Roberts, are actually paranormal investigators associated with Haunted Events UK -- yet this is clearly a film posing as a documentary and chock full of staged "scares" that are never, ever caught by the cameras. Why this man would be involved with a fake investigation is beyond me; he must believe that any publicity is good publicity.

This is not the type of publicity that is going to lend any credence to the existence of ghosts, however. Actually, I would never have believed that Roberts was an actual paranormal investigator if I had not read that fact while researching this film -- if for no other reason than the fact that he never shuts up. He overexplains everything -- the equipment used, what the thermal camera is and is not picking up, the purpose of a seance (during the seance, mind you). If I were a ghost, I would either hide from this annoying man or continually pelt him with objects in an attempt to make him leave the premises.

Equipped with only one EMF detector and one thermal imaging camera, this "experienced" ghost hunting crew takes us inside "the notoriously haunted Old Street Market of Sutton Town in historic old England" and proceeds to investigate the place without turning off any of the lights. Oh, these are some brave souls indeed. Alongside Roberts is fellow investigator Pete Cox (who does lend some reality to the project because you would think that no director in his right mind would ever cast him with a speaking role in a film) and historian Michelle Gent -- who shares the secret with Lee concerning the real purpose for this investigation. It all goes back to a legendary childhood boogeyman named Tap Tap, who may or may not have ever existed. Lee proudly announces that this is the first paranormal group to investigate this particular location -- which is rather strange because he and Michelle go on to talk about the findings of numerous other investigations conducted there over the years. Well, after more than a half hour of interminably long and boring walkarounds, prep work and endless droning on by Lee, the investigation begins.

The evidence our intrepid investigators find wouldn't scare most small children, but they quickly start freaking out -- which is not good, because Lee talks even more than usual when he's nervous. A couple of pretty cool things happen eventually, but Lee's propensity for hogging camera time means nothing is caught on video. What glimpses we do get of the activity are far from convincing and, in my opinion, were probably done by the investigators themselves. To make matters worse, the cinematography and music in this film are horrible -- especially the campy music that is usually way too loud, routinely builds up to "something's about to happen" crescendos in which nothing happens at all, and generally grates on the nerves.

With no big ending to save the day, you're left scratching your head wondering what purpose this underwhelming film -- featuring a fake ghost hunt with real ghost hunters -- was supposed to serve.