Sometimes, you just want to watch a cheesy horror movie with a ridiculous storyline, lots of bad acting, and such sparkling dialogue as "Cut the crap, fart breath" -- and when you're in that kind of mood, Prime Evil stands ready to meet all of your lowest expectations. It even throws in one of the lamest fight scenes in movie history for no extra charge.

This is actually one of the better films from director Roberta Findlay, best known for a string of hardcore pornographic films in the 1970s (she and husband Michael Findlay have been called "the most notorious filmmakers in the annals of sexploitation") before turning her attention to making bad horror films in the 1980s. Now maybe you're thinking Prime Evil must have a fair amount of nudity in it, and it does -- but it's all relegated to naked female breasts.

If nothing else (and I do mean nothing else), the main purveyor of all this "prime evil" does have charisma, and that's an important thing to have when you're basically Satan's 800-year-old prime minister on Earth. For all the cheesiness of his role, William Beckwith actually turns in a pretty good performance as "Father" Thomas Seaton. Everyone else -- not so much. Christine Moore is OK as the naive and necessarily virginal Alexandra Parkman, but the rest of the cast would, as I like to say, have a hard time acting their way out of a dark room with a flashlight. Special kudos to the two cops, who actually make Hayden Christensen look like a good actor (well, almost).

As far as the story goes, Alex is fated to be the next sacrificial victim for the local New York parish of Satan. If you think that sounds like bad news for her -- especially since she's being given to Satan by her own grandfather -- try being one of her friends. Father Thomas takes quite a liking to the young lady, and he doesn't want anyone interfering with his plans.

Throw in an undercover nun and a special cameo by Satan himself (looking absolutely ridiculous, I might add) along with little bit of blood and some kooky gore at the end, and you've got Prime Evil. The whole thing is a complete and utter waste of time -- entertaining to lovers of bad movies (such as myself), but a painful ordeal for those born without the bad movie lover gene.

Cheesy and sleazy? Indubitably.