Just having to look at Ron Jeremy is bad enough on its own, but even the prospect of seeing his character savagely killed does nothing to ease the pain of watching a movie this pathetic and abysmal.

The Wickeds is a film that even the director couldn't possibly love. Thankfully, Jeremy stays fully clothed here, and there's not any female nudity, either -- although, quite frankly, the lack of nudity is confusing because everything else about this film conveys the impression that it was written and filmed by a 12-year-old boy. Sure, there's plenty of gore, but it's horribly fake and unconvincing.

And the acting? Well, Ron Jeremy is by far the most talented actor involved in this project -- need I say more?

There is barely even a story underlying all of this cinematic torture. Seven incredibly annoying, unattractive young people break into an old, spooky house where a low-budget horror film is being shot. Unbeknownst to them, Gus (Jeremy) and his gimboid sidekick are at the nearby cemetery digging up a corpse in order to steal an amulet from the body. Naturally, the theft of this horrible piece of cosmetic jewelry brings all of the dead bodies out of their graves, and their pursuit of human flesh eventually brings both groups together inside the house.

Will any of the characters survive? Who cares?

Despite the fact that these are clearly zombies doing everything that zombies do, the characters keep referring to them as vampires, which tells you something about the group intelligence on display here. That's just one of the many, many ways this film annoyed me. I watch a lot of bad movies -- some of them are true gems worthy of cult status, most of them are just forgettable, but a few of them should be considered forms of torture. The Wickeds clearly falls into that final category.

It's just awful.