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"Statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive." - George Bernard Shaw "A man may fish with the worm that hath eat of a king, and eat of the fish that hath fed of that worm." - William Shakespeare, Hamlet "I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants." - unknown "Food, one assumes, provides nourishment; but Americans eat it fully aware that small amounts of poison have been added to improve its appearance and delay its putrefaction." - John Cage "The thing about late-night cookery was that it made sense at the time. It always had some logic behind it. It just wasn't the kind of logic you'd use around midday." - Terry Pratchett, The Last Continent "It was the haggis, a brownish lump sitting unobtrusively to one side of the plate, that drew the most riveting attention. ... Some people approached their haggis with extreme misgivings." - Tom Knapp, reporting on a traditional Scottish dinner "The national dish of Scotland is something called haggis, the specific ingredients of which I won't go into other than to say that if you can visualize boiled, inside-out road kill, you're pretty close." - David Grimes, columnist "The English are very confused about food. For example, when you order potato chips there, they bring you a plate of French fries. I'm not sure what they'd bring you if you ordered French fries; probably a raw eel." - David Grimes, still a columnist "The Scots invented Scotch whiskey as a way of taking their minds off their dreadful food. Taken in large enough doses it is quite effective in shutting down the sense of taste, not to mention vision, hearing, touch and, eventually, consciousness. Tragically, the English drink of choice is hot tea, meaning that you are fully awake while eating." - David Grimes, who can't find any other work "Give an Irishman lager for a month, and he's a dead man. An Irishman is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him." - Mark Twain, Life on the Mississippi "It is illegal to give someone food in which has been found a dead mouse or weasel." - from Ireland's ancient Brehon laws "I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead." - Woody Allen "Recipe (in its entirety) for boiled owl: Take feathers off. Clean owl and put in cooking pot with lots of water. Add salt to taste." - The Eskimo Cookbook "A louse in the cabbage is better than no meat at all." - Pennsylvania Dutch proverb "Things sweet to taste prove in digestion sour." - William Shakespeare, Richard II "I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking." - Katherine Cebrian |